I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
