i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
