saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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