she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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