went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
