like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
