Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
