I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
