I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
