I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
