I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You can't motorboat a personality
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
