at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
