i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
