First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
