it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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