Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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