Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That reminds me...we need to get swords
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
