im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
