Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
