I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
