honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just had sex bonerless
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
