No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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