Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
