those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize