Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
