Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
