ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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