Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Nicole vs. Life
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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