and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
