oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What changed your mind?
Being sober
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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