Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
