i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
