you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
