she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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