it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
