Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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