oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
