I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
