So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
