Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
