btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
