and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
