i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
