She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
