Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
