nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
