I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
