Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
