The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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