this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
