It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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