I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize