She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
