yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
