Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
