no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
