Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
