hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
