I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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