i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
