Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
