I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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