her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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