also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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