he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
