I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
