Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
