When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found puke in my bra..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
