I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
