I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
