i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
