I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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