You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
